Soy Made Me Gay

I don’t even remember where it was, but I once read a pamphlet for parents of gay teens that said, “you can’t influence whether or not your child is gay, but you can influence whether or not he tells you.”  One of the hardest parts of being gay and Mormon is the feeling of shame and secrecy that can result.  Sure, we are told that there is no shame in the temptation, but sometimes that’s hard to believe when we see those around us (even those close to us) throwing around hateful speech and supporting false stereotypes.

I’m not being overly sensitive here, I enjoy gay jokes and the occasional ribbing just as much as the next person, but at lot of times guys like us need help, whether it is from bishops, counselors, or even just a friends to listen.  If all we see around us are people upholding outdated and antiquated ideas of homosexuality, we are more likely to remain silent and deal with things alone…and that usually isn’t a good thing.

1. Gay Guys Want To Be Women

OMGosh…Seriously?  Sure, you have the occasional transgender, but the vast majority of gay guys are completely happy with the fact that they are men.  “Same Sex Attraction” does not mean the same thing as “Gender Confusion” and should not be used as such.  I’m not confused about my gender.  I am a man.  I am happy being a man.  Why do so many gay guys identify with women?  Well, duh, we both have celeb-crushes on Shia LeBouf (really?  just me? well fine, then).  But most of us don’t see ourselves as women, we don’t think we were meant to be born as women, we don’t think we are women trapped in men’s bodies.  We are men…who love other men.  It is the fear that other people will think of them as less masculine that keeps a lot of men quiet.

2. If You Are Gay, You’ll Come On To Me

Have a pretty high opinion of ourselves don’t we?  Are you attracted to all of your opposite-sex friends?  Even to those that you are, do you find your sexuality so uncontrollable that you are constantly making inappropriate advances?  No?  Then why should you assume the situation would be different for us?  I’m not attracted to the most of my male friends and to those occasional few that I am, I’m smart enough (just like you, right?) to keep that out of the equation because I know that unrequited romantic attention ruins friendships (plus, I’m Mormon, it’s not like the relationship would go anywhere).  Ok, fine, it’s not like there have never been a gay guy that hit on a straight guy, but if your friend is just coming out, he’s going to need his friends.  If your insecurity inserts sexual tension where it wasn’t before, it’ll tell him that he can’t trust his guy friends and he’ll be less likely to talk to someone again.

3. If You Are Attracted To Men, You Are Also Attracted To Little Boys

No. No. NO!  This is one of the most hurtful and messed up things you can say to a gay guy, or any guy.  Seriously.  If you are attracted to women, does that mean you are attracted to little girls?  Not to say that there have never been gay child molesters, because obviously there have, but rape and child molestation have causes way more varied than simply orientation.  Molestation isn’t about sex, it’s about control, regression, and manipulation.  Having grown up in the family-oriented church, a lot of gay guys want kids and many see ourselves as fathers someday (even if we may be unsure of the logistics).  How would you feel if someone accused you of child molestation?  Don’t you ever…ever even insinuate child molestation unless you are damn sure it is true.

You can’t control if your friend, son, brother, or father is gay, but you can let him know that if he needs help that you can be trusted.  I get it, homosexuality makes you uncomfortable.  You don’t really understand it and all you can think about are all the scriptures that condemn it every time you are flipping through the channels and pass Will & Grace.  I understand, but we can no longer feel content to stay in our comfortable shell and turn a blind eye to those around us.  It is almost guaranteed that at least one of your friends, siblings, or relatives is gay (yes, even if all these are Mormon).  Even if he is well adjusted and already has an adequate support system in place and doesn’t necessarily need to talk to you, he does need to know that you accept him for who he is and love him.  Not matter how much you do, showing your personal discomfort by publicly displaying your insecurities will suppress the amount of love he feels coming from you.

And that is a shame.