Soy Made Me Gay

Hey everyone.  I hope you all will forgive the mass email, but at the time it seemed to be the best way of going about this.

In an effort to live my life in a manner that is less shut off from those that love me and, you all being my family, I feel you should know what is going on in my life.  To make a really…really long story short, I’m gay.  It’s something that I’ve known since I was a kid and even before I knew what “gay” was.

(I use the word “gay” for myself rather than the Mormon acronym “SSA” for reasons of principle, which I won’t go into here.)

It hasn’t always been easy living as a member of the Church and gay.  On my mission I was, for the most part, able to put my sexuality on the back burner and devote my efforts to service but after coming back, I began to realize that I wasn’t going the be able to follow along the path of marriage and family quite like “everyone else” which, at times, I found very frustrating.

Both my testimony of the Gospel and my sexuality are inseparable parts of me and the internal battle between the two seemingly polar opposites became very, very tiring.  After years of confusion I finally decided, thanks to some much needed revelation from the Lord, that I wanted to live according to the commandments and not live as a “practicing” gay man.  I felt at peace with my decision to stay in the Church even though I felt that God’s love for me was independent of my own choices.  I haven’t completely ruled out the possibility of marriage and family, but for me it doesn’t seem to be a possibility anytime soon.

So, that’s where I am now.  I’m by no means perfect, but I have the goal to live a life that reflects my testimony and I am actively seeking to accomplish that.  It can be difficult at times as my friends slowly get married and move on with their lives and seem to leave me behind.  It can prove frustrating, too, when I am faced with ignorant and plain inaccurate views of homosexuality by some members at church, but I have great people around me who love me unconditionally and I feel lucky to have them in my life.  I also feel that God loves me and that’s, you know, a big plus.

I appreciate all of you and the consistent support that you have given me.  I love you all even if I don’t call to talk to you very often.  My friends know your names because I frequently talk to them about you and your families.  If you have any questions, you are more than welcome to give me a call, or if you’d rather, an email, or neither.  I’m flexible :-).

Your brother,

Cliff