I admire you for remaining true to your faith despite the strong feelings of the flesh. I have not always been as successful. Luckily I am married to a very supportive wife and have a family I love. If I were single, I don’t think I have the strength to resist my natural man. I commend you and pray that you will continue and find peace and happiness.

Bravone

I have those what if moments sometimes too. Thank goodness I have also had those moments where I have felt the love that comes from the Lord and the gospel so strongly (whether I deserved to feel it or not) and it reminds me that it is true. I agree, I am ok with knowing that no matter the end result, believing and standing by my faith is the best thing I can do. It’s worth it.

:)

There have been a lot of times I’ve wondered, “What if it’s all crap?” and my answer to myself is, “So what? Is this such a bad way to live?” Nope. Better than most. Closest organized religion to meet the true definition of Christianity.

I can relate to much of what you wrote here, not in the same way since I’m not gay, but I think we’ve all asked ourselves from time to time, “What if..?” I’ve sometimes felt like that missionary in the movie “God’s Army” who asks himself exactly that question. Sometimes I find it maddening to remain in the Church and at times I’ve just wanted to run away screaming, particularly when certain distubring details of Church history feel like a huge burden. I’ve asked myself many times whether it’s really worth it.

I’m not one to get overwhelming spiritual experiences or confirmations. You could say in a way that my testimony is very weak. When I hear fellow members testifying enthusiastically at church and I just sit there wondering how the heck they got to be that way, spiritually-speaking I often feel very, very small. However, despite lacking the spiritual confidence and conviction that most Mormons I know seem to have and be able to express, I have had inklings here and there, throughout my life, that I just can’t deny. I’ve said before that I’m a Mormon practising Pascal’s Wager. I don’t have the surety that other Mormons do and I may never have it, but it doesn’t really matter. I have enough, because of those “inklings,” to make me want to bet that it is true and that’s what’s kept me in it.

I knew I’d never doubt the sweet witnesses of the spirit like you felt in the MTC–but that if I did act on the feelings I have, I would always know, somewhere, deep down, that I was doing something wrong, because I know that God restored the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, that it wasn’t just some crazed idea thought up by Joseph Smith.

It’s interesting how that is for you and me. Like you, I don’t blame or condemn those that have chosen the path that I was considering. I chose a different path, and that’s okay, too.