Being a Mormon in the film production industry is uncommon. Let me rephrase, being an active Mormon in the film industry is uncommon. So much so, that when other people find out that I am Mormon, often they don’t know what to say.
Mostly the reaction I get when people find out my religion is, “oh, I hope I don’t offend you!” They assume that one sexual reference or “F-Bomb” is going to send me off to scrub my ears in a shocked fit of prayer. I did go to non-BYU film school, people. We watched unrated movies and everything. Even foreign movies.
To their statement I usually laugh and say, “don’t worry, I’m actually pretty hard to offend,” which is true. While I’m easily irritated, truly offending me is rare.
But now, I am deeply hurt and offended. I can’t point to anyone individually, but the people that have caused me to feel emotionally heavy and dark are the two political groups currently fighting over Prop 8 in California. I’ve always been Prop 8 Agnostic in my public communications and I continue to be so in the effort to not have my opinion sway anyone one way or another (as if that could happen). I have read many blog posts and comments that have been very civil and diplomatic in their support for and opposition to the proposition. Unfortunately, I have seen much more name-calling, outright lying, and plainly evil rhetoric being lobbed back and forth. Having an inherent foot in both sides of the argument, being hit from both sides has caused my protective “don’t take it personally” filter to break down and many of the statements have seeped in. According to these groups:
Because I am gay I:
- am selfish.
- am immoral.
- am dangerous to children.
- am harmful to society.
Because I am Mormon I:
- am a hatemonger.
- am anti-family.
- am intolerant.
- am harmful to society.
I admit, the gay ones hurt more than the Mormon ones (I’ve been hearing them my whole life) and while I’ve always been taught to never be ashamed of my beliefs – I don’t have the same years of open conviction when it comes to my sexuality. It is hard not to take things personally when they are attacking two things about me that are very personal.
So, I have decided that I am no longer going to read, watch, or participate in any more discussions, articles, or news stories related to Prop 8. I realize that people feel that they should stand up for their beliefs and that’s fine, but I, however, can’t. The issues are too close, the pain is too real, and I am too tired.
I spent time with friends this weekend. I talked with them, laughed, played with their kid…. To them, none of the above is true. I am focusing on that; the rest will have to take care of itself for now.