I was sitting in my car yesterday after a shoot while waiting for a guy to come pick up the HD camera. I was listening to music and wiped the green screen paint off my fingers before switching to the next song on my iPod. As I listened to “Peace and Hate” by The Submarines, I realized that I felt…weird. I sat there for a few moments, trying to identify the feeling that I felt. Once I did, I almost laughed out loud; the feeling that I was having such a hard time identifying was that I felt normal.
Since Sunday, I’ve had my anxious moments, but I’ve never doubted that outing myself was the right thing to do. The posts on my personal blog, facebook, and this blog were all overwhelmingly supportive.
I tried to make sure that I was at a state where I didn’t view coming out as a solution to anything. I tried to make sure that I was in a state where if I came out and everything went very wrong, that I would still be okay. That being said, coming out has been great for my personal self-worth. Let’s face it, having most of the people that are most important to you (and even complete strangers) tell you that they support you would benefit just about anyone.
I don’t necessarily recommend coming out publicly like I did. Some people may need some time to come to terms with their own sexuality before they let everyone know. Some people’s situations are more complicated than mine. Some are content to just let a few friends and family know and as long as they aren’t constantly plagued by negative thoughts toward themselves, I support them. I, however, knew that for me to continue as a productive member of the Church, I could not longer live with the thought that I had to keep that part of myself secret. So I came out, and so far, so good.
But life continues on. I know that coming out hasn’t solved all my problems. I know that there will still be loneliness, frustration, and all the other negative emotions that one can think of. But there is one that I refuse to feel anymore and that is the need to hide myself from the world.
I’m Clint and I am a gay man. …Friggin awesome.