I knew that it would come and sure enough, roughly one week after coming out my ward, friends, and the Internet, I caught myself thinking, “well, what now?”
Church went along as normal yesterday (as I expected it to). Work is going along as normal. Life is going along as normal. I knew it would, but it is sometimes strange to actually see it.. The world didn’t explode once I revealed that I, in fact, think Lee Fanning from Pushing Daisies is just adorable. I wasn’t stoned for making it known that I was in the group of people watching Resident Evil for Eric Mabius, not Milla Jovovich (it’s not like anyone watched it for the plot). When all was said and done, it wasn’t as important to people that I was gay as much as I was trying to live my life in a Christ-like manner-which is something we have in common. Sometimes people surprise you. Sometimes, they wonderfully don’t.
So where do I go from here? To be honest, I’m not 100% sure. I have some ideas of a long-term direction, but I’m still figuring things out a bit. The Church has done its job well; I want a family. It’s just the whole wife part that I’m not really on board with. Gay marriage is out. So…yeah…. A large problem for me is that, well, I don’t like working – at any job. When I’m the only one who benefits from it, it feels especially pointless. Sure, sure “keep myself from starving to death in a gutter” carries some motivation, but providing for a family seems like it would be more worthwhile. Yeah, someone to go through life with would be nice. It would even be nicer if they were hot….
I’m not dwelling too much on this. I learned a while ago that if I focus too much on the future, I end up making myself miserable. The future will happen whether I worry about it or not. So, I think about it for a while and then leave it alone for a bit. But yeah, the future…who knows? You know?