My parents and I have traveled light-years since that phrase was uttered and I saw my life flash before my eyes.

Yeah, the key is to keep talking even if that sometimes turns into yelling and long-distance hangups. My parents display genuine support 25 years after I came out. It took a lot of talking, tense family gatherings, periods of silence, some spirited arguing and some blessed intervention from a very talented Bishop to help bring things to the point they are now.

Even if (when?) same-sex marriage is legal, if the Church doesn’t recognize it as valid, it’s easy to make a case that the Law of Chastity still prevents same-sex intimacy even in a legal marriage. (The actual wording of the LoC in the temple is “legally and lawfully wedded”–some have suggested that “legally” means according to civil law and “lawfully” means according to God’s law).

But (and again, I want to emphasize that this isn’t compatible with Church doctrine or policy) a person might perceive that the spirit of the LoC is intended to preserve sexual intimacy as a special act that is to be kept between lifelong (or eternal) partners. If one feel comfortable interpreting it that way, one might choose to keep the LoC by abstaining from sexual relations until that lifelong partner is found and a commitment of some sort is made, whether it be a legal same-sex marriage or an unofficial (but still very binding, in the eyes of many who have had them) commitment ceremony.

If one chose to follow that course, one would not be living in harmony with Church policy, and would likely be subject to excommunication or other disciplinary action if local priesthood leaders felt obliged to initiate it. It would be between the individual and God to determine how such a course would be viewed from an eternal perspective.

Back to the main topic of the post, a parent who has given this considerable thought and who is extremely open-minded and somewhat spiritually “liberal” might tell his/her son: “I hope that you will maintain the morals and standards that we have taught you and that we believe in as members of the Church. If you choose to date other young men, I expect that you will still adhere to the Law of Chastity and keep your interactions clean, just as you would if you were dating young women. Save physical intimacy for when you have found someone who you are willing to commit your life to.”

(It would take a great deal of open-mindedness to most LDS parents to even consider the possibility of their son dating other young men. In some cases, though, it’s possible that strictly enforced celibacy would push the young man off the edge into the stereotypical “gay lifestyle” with all of the risks and perils associated with it.)

I know at least a few gay Mormons who have still tried to live the spirit of the Law of Chastity, while at the same time not denying their orientation.

That is, they have dated (others of their own gender) but have kept their physical interactions within the guidelines that any non-married member of the Church would be expected to follow. Eventually, they have found someone with whom they wanted to spend the rest of their life, but with whom they still maintained standards of physical chastity until after a commitment ceremony of some sort. They have translated “no sex before marriage” to the nearest equivalent that fits their situation, and done the best they could to keep the commandments.

So depending on how flexible the parent is willing to be with his/her interpretation of the law, perhaps reaffirming the Law of Chastity doesn’t have to be a delayed rejection.

Paraphrased aren’t you saying: “We love you, but you lost the lottery and we expect you to be celibate for the rest of your life, and if you’re not, all bets are off.” Kinda sucks. I read that a huge portion of Gay mormons leave, not surprisingly, so a parent with a gay child might consider that the kid will decide to live a normal life, to have a normal relationship with someone, which most likely involves leaving the Mormon church. I don’t see anything in this post that indicates any sort of acceptance on the parents’ part of this almost certain eventuality. It seems to me, from the child’s standpoint, not much has changed. You’re still going to reject them, just a little later.

@Mohointx – I kind of came out to my parents as I was coming out to myself, which happened more in stages than all at once. While there were some confusions stemming from poor communication, never along the way was I ever given reason to doubt that they loved me.

@Carolyn – As long as you treat them with the same amount of love and respect as you did before they told you, you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. Just ignore the dramatics… :-)

@Kay – I’ve learned to be gentle with people who ask “How do you know you’re gay?” They often aren’t prepared for an honest answer to that question. :-)

@Lisa, @Braveone, @Paula, @tatum, @Ezra, @Alan, @Ron Schow, @Kengo B., @Karene, @Cody, @TrevorM – No, thank you. :-)

Did I miss anyone??

I love them, very much, but I came out at the age of 15, and I’m now 20, and still dealing with my mothers comments on it being ‘just a phase.’

Like you said, when I came out, I was SURE.

Thank you. I am going to spread this around now :-)