How To Be A Gay Mormon Blogger
Some of you may be asking yourselves, “But, Clint, how can I be a gay Mormon blogger?” Why with my new patented 21 step program, you too can be blogging your gay little heart out.
Step 1 – Get baptized on your 8th birthday.
Step 2 – Realize you are gay while memorizing your high school’s cheerleader routine.
Step 3 – Have a panic attack.
Step 4 – Try to act as straight as possible for about ten years.
Step 5 – Start reading the blogs of gay Mormons on the internet.
Step 6 – Feel an enormous kinship with people you have never met.
Step 7 – Join an online support group for gay Mormons.
Step 8 – Decide that you aren’t going to participate any more in the online support group (this is best done within two weeks of Step 7).
Step 9 – Sign up for a Blogger account.
Step 10 – Start posting several times a day.
Step 11 – Revel in your new discovered gayness and feel the rush as your challenge your belief system (this is best accomplished by using words like “bubble”, “Prozac Valley”, and “Mormon Corridor” as much as grammatically possible).
Step 12 – Freak out by the “realness” of it all and shut your blog down.
Step 13 – Repeat Steps 9-12 at least twice.
Step 14 – Decide you are going to start a blog with a different tone and for a difference audience than you have previously written: an unabashedly gay Mormon blog for straight Mormons.
Step 15 – Start getting more traffic than you have ever gotten with major traffic spikes when large LDS blogs link to a post (at this point you should notice how the people who comment on your site are much more civil that they are on other sites).
Step 17 – Wonder how your post “5 Things That Straight Guys Do That Are Really Gay” still gets the majority of your search engine traffic.
Step 18 – Have the Church enter into a major political battle with gays in California.
Step 19 – See the worst sides of the two groups of people that make up a large part of who you are – this should change the way you view both of them.
Step 20 – Get one of your posts published in an LDS magazine.
Step 21 – Decide that you want your writing to go new directions. Seeing that your gay Mormon blog has reached the end of it’s usefulness, you decide to bring it to a close.
So that’s it, that’s how you become a gay Mormon blogger. Be sure not to skip any steps however, otherwise you have to start all over again (and Step 1 is way harder the second time around).
Okay, lameness aside, yes, I’m bringing Soy to a close. I’ll keep the site up indefinitely as it is shares server space with my other sites, but I’ll no longer be posting to it regularly.
Thanks for being some of the best readers on the internet. Seriously. With all the harsh words that can be thrown around with such a controversial topic, thanks for being civil and understanding. Hmm… getting a bit too sentimental.
Hit me up on Facebook, yo. Peace out.